I have my doubts

I had the strange experience the other day of accessing my primary care doctor’s patient portal online. I kind of love these portals because it’s access to your own little world in a nutshell. But it’s also a little weird. I remember back in January getting an email telling me how to set up access, but with everything that was going on at the time, I never followed through. When I set up my account, I was surprised to find that I could click on all sorts of information, including the notes sent to my GP by most of the specialists I’ve seen in the last year.

Here’s the weird part: As I read through the notes sent to her by my oncologist, I was kind of shocked to see that he defined me as a “former smoker” (not true) and had my occupation listed as “auditor and accountant.” Another note from my previous oncologist makes reference to my sister having a history of breast cancer (again, not true). I know I shouldn’t get hung up on this stuff, but it kind of bugs me.

I accessed the portal because I went for a chest x-ray on Monday and I was hoping the results would be posted. They weren’t. But I did finally hear from my doctor last night. The good news is that I don’t have pneumonia. The not so good news is that they “see something” on the x-ray that looks like a small mass. Dr. M, my GP, was quick to say that it is most likely tied to my surgery. Possibly scar tissue. But she also said I have to follow up, and that means a CT scan. Dr. M is going to speak with my breast surgeon today to try to get a better understanding of the scans and x-rays I had before my surgery, but in the end, I’m sure they will both err on the side of caution.

In my logical brain, I know I have nothing to worry about. But in my fucked up brain, I’m sure the cancer has come back.

By the way, I may not have pneumonia, but I’m still coughing.


5 thoughts on “I have my doubts

  1. Dear K,
    I know it’s hard.
    Have patience and go through the process. See what is.
    Enjoy the company of your loving husband and son.
    Good wishes and thoughts your way.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You as a smoker! Perhaps they picked up the scent from my last cigarette more than 25 years ago. I’ve ALWAYS hated the note taking a scribbles that go on when a doctor is “interviewing” a patient. FAR TOO secretive and WAY TOO easy for mistakes being perpetrated. That said, I firmly believe your cough is operation and not cancer related. We shall beat this as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I would be very upset of the comments you found in your medical notes online. With the number of false positives for cancer from Mammograms at over 60%, doctors are known to protect themselves by conveniently adding false details (hearsay) of medical and family history to justify medical procedures that later may prove were not needed nor warranted.
    Remember, if you trust the information I sent you, you would know that you have more control of your remission from lifestyle adjustments than just hoping and praying for clear scans. I’m very impressed that you did what such a small percentage of patients do which was logging into your patient portal to review your notes. You will be well.
    Love Richard

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh Kristen, it’s worrisome, even when it shouldn’t be. That fucked up brain can be such an asshole. I love the patient portals, too. I’ve been looking at graphs of my tests. I can get a little obsessed. I’d be bothered if I found erroneous notes in there, too. I’ll be thinking of you. xox

    Liked by 1 person

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