Four weeks out

Tomorrow will be four weeks since my surgery and I feel different again, more like myself. I didn’t think I would get here, to this in-between place, this place where I no longer have pain and my discomfort is fading. I still tire very easily, but I’m able to do more — want to do more — and it feels good, finally, to be out in the world.

I drove Saturday for the first time since the surgery, and aside from the strange feeling of the seatbelt, it was fine. I walked a lap around Target and then we went out to dinner. I told James it felt like something shifted, like I had turned another corner.

I move impossibly slow. It’s almost comical. But I feel like my torso has been shrink-wrapped (I guess that’s what healing incisions feel like?) so I have to make an effort to stand up straight when I walk and between that and a general fear of falling or losing my footing, I don’t move with much confidence or grace.

And yet, I’m moving. I’m making strides. Getting out and trying to do more. Today I plan to meet my trainer at the gym and walk a bit on the treadmill. Thursday I have my PT evaluation, and then next week I see all my doctors again, including the oncologist.

I think I’m at the point now where I can measure progress by the week, not the day. I was told it would take six to eight weeks to fully recover from this surgery. It’s hard to understand what “fully recover” means, I can’t imagine that I’ll ever feel the same as I did before. But I’m feeling closer to something normal, and that’s enough for now.

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