Forward and back

I slept in my bed last night for the first time since I’ve been home. It felt pretty good. Pretty great, actually, to be in a somewhat normal place after so many hospital beds and two nights in our recliner. So much has surprised me post-surgery. There is a lot I just wasn’t prepared for, couldn’t have been prepared for. There is no way anyone can prepare you for the trauma, the shock, the amount of stuff that your body is going to experience — and the crazy amount of stuff your body can do.

Yesterday was a pretty emotional day. I cried a lot. I really haven’t cried at all since I was diagnosed, so in many ways, it was a relief, finally, to let a lot of it go. I woke up this morning feeling a little stronger, a little more capable of handling whatever lies ahead.

I have a 1:30 appointment with the nurse practitioner at the plastic surgeon’s office. I’m hopeful she’ll be able to remove one or two of my drains. Once the drains come out, showering, dressing, sleeping, moving around in general — all that should be easier. Right now I’m pretty dependent on help for just about everything. Six drains is a lot of baggage to drag around, and the limits on my mobility with them in place are a challenge. Though I feel like I have a good range of motion in my arms, I’m not supposed to use them. I can’t reach, lift, or pull. So even though I think I can get myself in and out of bed, right now I can’t get myself in and out of bed. It’s humbling. There are moments I catch myself starting to do something I shouldn’t, I don’t think my brain and my body are in agreement. Yesterday I could barely stand for more than five minutes. Rinsing out a cup or walking from the chair to the kitchen left me winded.

But every day is a little different, not necessarily better, but different. The truth is, yesterday was one of my hardest days post-surgery. I am starting to understand that healing is not a straight path, but more of a curvy uphill climb. Every day does not get a little easier, but over time, the impact lessens.

I continue to be grateful for your prayers and words of encouragement. I am blessed with the most amazing family and friends. The last three days have been easier for me and my family because your kindnesses just don’t stop. Thank you for the meals, the treats, the flowers, the cards, the warm and cozy socks and slippers, the offers to pick up groceries or run to Target or simply to get my son out of the house for a few hours. I will never know how to repay all the wonderful people in our lives.

Even in my darkest moments yesterday, you were there. Texting, reaching out, posting things on FB that made me smile. And while I may not be able to respond to everything, know that I am deeply touched, forever grateful, and honored to be in your thoughts and prayers.

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12 thoughts on “Forward and back

  1. Oh Kristen, I’m sending so much love your way. I’m so glad you got to sleep in your bed, and I’ll keep fingers crossed that you can have a couple drains removed. Sending light and strength and lots of virtual hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Glad to see that you’re back in the comfort of your home so that you can continue the healing process. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during your journey. Hope you enjoyed the socks!!

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Kristen…Yes, keep going. Up and down, back and forth… Incrementally ahead. Gently at first and the time will come for vigor. I think the tears are part of the healing. Love, Ned

    Liked by 1 person

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